4 Tips That Landed Me a Mate

Every women's magazine under the sun has it's own top ten dating tips section. But what frustrates me, is that the same magazine, over the course of a year, will contradict itself! The January issue will tell you the best way to land a man is to play hard to get, don't return his calls right away, and it's perfectly acceptable to be late, because it's a woman's prerogative. But by fall, the same magazine will tell you the complete opposite, are men on some sort of lunar calendar, and depending on the month, will respond to different things? Umm, no! So what's a girl to do? Well here's an idea, flip through the pages, admire the pretty pictures, and give little or no thought to all the lists. As women, we all know what it takes to land us the man of our dreams. Here's how I landed my beau!

I Am an On-Time Diva! All of this nonsense about making a man wait, is just that, nonsense. On our first date, I met my partner outside of his apartment building, and ironically, he was late, about 15 minutes late. This wouldn't have been a major deal except that it was a bitter March evening, and he lived on the ocean, so my hair didn't stand a chance. But he soon learned that I was not the kind of woman to keep waiting, and what he appreciated more, was that I was not the type of woman to keep a man waiting!

I Always Offered to Pay. So many women have a issue with picking up the cheque and I never understood why. I'm not a fan of double standards, and why should men be constantly picking up the tab? My date took me to a fantastic Izakaya restaurant (and we'll be celebrating our 4 year anniversary there this March!). The bill was startling, but I figured I should pay to play. Luckily, he would have none of it, and paid. I picked up drinks at the cocktail bar we went to later and it was all a wash. I felt good, he felt good, and everyone was happy.

I was Never Afraid to Be Available. I never understood why women play games like not answering the phone before a certain number of rings, or making the guy leave a message, and calling him back days later in order to appear busy. C'mon! Life is too short to be playing games, especially with someone's heart. If my boyfriend called me, I answered. Very simple. If I was unavailable to spend time with him, I told him. No mind games.

I Never Assumed Anything. This should really be a golden rule for everyone. Dating is a time to get to know the other person, and the time should be spent doing just that. Ask questions, explore who they are, understand where they're coming from. I am a naturally inquisitive person and I wanted to know absolutely everything about my potential new mate. My boyfriend took a little longer to ask the right questions, but he got there eventually!

Keep It Simple!

Last night on my local news channel, I watched an entire segment that was dedicated to showing men how to propose to their significant others and how Valentines Day was the perfect time to do so. It featured a young couple that was recently engaged at the Fairmont Hotel, and the gentlemen who proposed, had hired a "proposal consultant". I had heard of a wedding consultant, but never someone who would plan a marriage proposal. It got me thinking. Since when have marriage proposals become so complicated? I had mixed feelings about the idea of a man hiring someone to do the work for him. Are men that incapable of being creative that they need to spend thousands of dollars to ask the woman they love to be with him for the rest of his days?  

Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. A good friend of mine who has a masters in psychology,  sat me down and walked me through the inner workings of the male mind.  She said that men are terrified of rejection and the idea of being told "no" after a proposal would be crippling. Well this I can understand, but what I was having a difficult time coming to terms with, was the idea that a man would let someone else dictate to him what they thought would make a good marriage proposal. This hired stranger knows little or nothing about the prospective grooms' sweetheart. They haven't woken up beside her over the last few years, or held her when she cried, or watched her eyes light up when the man in her life makes her feel like she's the most exquisite woman on Earth. 

I think men get a little caught up on making sure that the story behind a marriage proposal is an epic fairytale. A marriage proposal doesn't have to be complicated or grand, it just needs to come from the heart. When you start making plans to ask the woman (or man) to permanently join their life with yours, the proposal should reflect all those precious moments that you spent together coming together into one poignant moment. As long as their your words, your emotions, and your desires, that's all that matters. Just shut the world out, take a deep breath, and she's going to say yes! 

Living Unmarried Like a Married Couple

Weddings are overrated. At least that seems to be the message that a new generation of young couples in their 20's and 30's are saying by not waiting to move in together, purchasing property together, and having a family. With the laws in some states and all of Canada providing almost as much legal recognition to common-law couples as married couples, a wedding is a financial burden and a deliberate afterthought. What hasn't changed, however, is that more and more couples are feeling the squeeze and find their relationships are crumbling beneath crippling debt. There are ways to avoid this from happening, it just requires some hard work and serious commitment to working toward common goals.

Each individual in the relationship needs to take responsibility for his or her debt. It you decide that you are going to enter into a relationship with someone, and you come to find that you are both in debt, there are some serious decisions that need to be made. Ideally, no one should be paying the other's debt. My mother always taught me never to take on someone else's mistakes, even if I marry them. Each of you need to sit down and work out your own debt repayment plan. If the two of you decide to combine your debts and pay them off as a couple, you need to put it in writing. Go to a notary public, and sign a document that states who is responsible for what financially in case anything unfortunate happens, be it an accident, a death or more likely, a break-up.

A household budget is crucial. If you're going to play house together, than that also entails being financially responsible together. Be cautious about combining bank accounts. I have been living with my partner for the last four years, and though we share the household expenses, we do not share a bank account. Other couples find it beneficial to have a chequing or savings account to pay household bills, or save for something significant like a house or car. This needs to be done with eyes wide open, and if you ever feel uncomfortable, get everything in writing! 

Combining your income can mean big dreams achieved! My partner and I make significantly different incomes. I am a full time writer and university student and my partner is a lawyer. Because of the income discrepancy, we divide our bills according to our financial ability to contribute. Because we are cautious with  our money, we able to achieve our financial goals much faster. Our vice is travel, and we do it as often as we can!

Relationships: The Two Way Street

Ever look over at your partner and wonder what the heck you're doing with them? Don't shake your head and roll your eyes at me, of course you have! We've all experienced those moments. They've said something that utterly humiliates you, or they've been outrageously unreasonable about an issue, so much so, that you just want to tear your hair out. Just because you've had the conversation in your head, doesn't mean you want to leave them, but there are definitely moments in a relationship that cause us to question what we're doing in them. Here's a little newsflash, it's normal! Think about how often we question characteristics, or decisions we've made with ourselves! It's only natural that we have queries about the individual that we've decided to intertwine our lives with. Before you make any rash decisions about ending or disrupting a relationship, you've got to take on the role of a project manager of sorts, you need to dissect and manage the different aspects of the relationship to determine what's worth fighting over and what's not.

Learn to establish independence and dependence on one another in the relationship. It's essential for both of you to feel like you have freedom within the relationship. It's important for each of you to have your own set of friends, your own hobbies, your own life. You both fell in love with each other for a whole host of reasons, and all of those aspects of your life all contribute to your admiration for each other. Don't lose who you are. 

Teach each other how to listen, by showing appreciation for one another when you do! Communication is the key reason why couples break up, so why not encourage each other to do more of it, and effectively. If you're going through something emotional, and your partner listens intently, and provides solace for you, why wouldn't you want to reward that. People may think that listening to one another is easy, it's not! It takes practice. 

Quality time is invaluable! Vegging out in front of the TV doesn't count. I'm talking serious time with one another. Find something you both enjoy doing. Take a class together, plan weekend hikes, get out of town and stay at a B&B. No relationship will survive without getting back to the basics. Remember why you fell in love and rekindle the fire as often as possible.