She's a Man-Eater!

It's Friday night, and you are mere moments away from what feels like the most nerve-racking date you've had in years. You're feeling a little rusty, but you've also pulled out all the stops. You opted for the $40 haircut instead of the $9.95 buzz cut from Great Clips, and you've invested in some clothes that don't scream "my ex bought me this, and I only wear it under pain of death." And just to ensure you close the deal at the nights' end, you went and spent a good twenty minutes chatting with the 'super-fabulous' sales guy at the cologne counter at Macy's, and he's helped you pick out a fragrance that says: "I'm uber masculine, yet very much in touch with my metro sexual side, would you like to sleep with me." Finally, you've subjected yourself to as many episodes of Sex and the City as you could emotionally muster without turning into one of the characters, and retained just enough information to get a decent read on this mystery woman you've been set up with. The cab's arrived. You take a deep breath and step out into the night with high hopes of meeting Mrs. Right.

The date's going well. Things are progressing along nicely, but then, you've only been at the table for 5 minutes. So far, the verdict is: She's beautiful, she's funny, and most importantly (and even surprisingly), she actually seems like she's into you! Things are looking up. But it's all going to come crashing down, because your server has made his way to your table to grab your drink order and ramble through the chef's specials for the evening, and your date has, in one brief moment, gone from Miss America, to Miss Pain-in-the-ass. And in the midst of his exuberant spiel, she abruptly interrupts, only to announce that several of the wine selections are in fact on the wrong place on the menu, and she would like to conduct a formal dress down of the sommelier. Oh yeah, it's going to be that kind of date.

You politely listen as she emasculates the poor sommelier, and when he disappears off toward the kitchen with his tail between his legs, the poor waiter, who's been cowering in the corner, feeling utterly terrorized, has tip toed to the table to take down the order. A similar interaction ensues when he has the nerve to announce that the dish Ms. Hide would like to order has cilantro on it, shock and horror!

At this point, you'd like to be anywhere in the world other than in this chair in front of this culinary tyrant. You're probably sitting there wondering if this piece of work has a probation officer, or if she's just one of those spoiled, self-entitled girls that your mama always warned you about! Either way, the lesson here should be obvious, but in case it isn't, here it is: If someone is incapable of treating everyone with warmth, kindness and respect, and not just the object of their affection, they are not worth the time of day. So it's time to move on, and move up. Happy Hunting!

Nights Out Should Be Mandatory!

Every Friday, my better half texts me to make sure it's okay to go for a few drinks with is colleagues. He's not so much asking, as much as he's checking to make sure we don't have other plans, and I always say, "of course!" It's one of the reasons why we've been together so long. We both appreciate the importance of spending time with ourselves and with our friends. It's not necessary to spend every waking moment with each other! As long as there's an open line of communication open and plans that you make together aren't constantly being interrupted, spending time apart is good for the both of you!

At the beginning of last week, my partner decided to ring up his close group of guy friends and organize a boys night out for the upcoming weekend. A few years back, there would have been a resounding YES! But these days, my partner is the only one who doesn't have a wife, child and baby on the way, instead, he has a girlfriend who works a million hours a week. Dealing with friends with kids is a whole other matter, planning boys-night-out out requires permission from the wives, and that's not a guaranteed thing.

Now, I'm not a parent, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to be at home with a newborn and a toddler, but I can certainly empathize. But what I do know, is that each parent needs and deserves a break from the chaos every now and then. Infants may require around-the-clock care, but that doesn't mean that the two of you have to be chained to your little tyke until they're off to Kindergarten. Despite what the North American mentality is about child-rearing, you don't have to give up your life to raise your children. Provided you're not some sort of vagabond, or a participant in illicit activities, your kids are along for the ride, and not the other way around.

If you want to go out with your girls to let your hair down, do it! You just spent 9 months doing absolutely everything for that little being inside of you, take your life back and have some fun. And your better half may not have had to physically go through a pregnancy, they've endured your mood swings, bizarre bodily functions, odd cravings, random fits and absurd demands. Don't you think they deserve a break too?

Look, you don't need to be a psychology major to know that not taking time for yourselves now, means your relationship is going to be on life support in the near future. So relax, let your beau get out for some all-important guy time. And don't feel guilty about calling up your gals for a spa day!

Why Snooping is Detrimental!

My partner and I have been together for just over four years now, and one of the reasons why the relationship is so solid, is because we trust each other, completely. When my beau says he's going out for drinks with the boys, that exactly what's he's doing, and he's never given me reason to think otherwise. We're very inclusive when it comes to spend time with each other's friends, and we don't keep secrets, secrets are poisonous. With all of that said, we also fully respect each other's privacy, and that means that neither of us engage in snooping around each other's Facebook, Hotmail, Gmail, or any other type of mail accounts.

Now, I should have prefaced the earlier statement with a little story about my history of snooping. I've been in two long-term relationships in the past twelve years, and at the beginning of both of them, I definitely did my fair share of tossing drawers, rifling shoeboxes and running around like a was a full blown FBI Agent, trying to accumulate as much information I possibly could. Go ahead, judge away, but don't act like you've never done it yourself! Or at least considered it. What I haven't done, is hacked into anyone's personal accounts. It's wrong, it's absurd, and it's ILLEGAL! But that doesn't seem to stop couples from hacking into each other's accounts, sneak reading their partner's private messages, acting like complete fools!

What the heck gives you the right, whether you're a man or a woman, to read your partner's private thoughts, and conversations? I'm sure many have you felt like your privacy has been invaded at one point or another, I mean, we've all been teenagers at one point in our lives right? Parents just love invaded their kids privacy! Okay, now, remember how enraged it made you? Why would you want to inflict that feeling on someone you love?

Sherlock Holmesing (yup, I just made Sherlock a verb) around in your partners private email accounts may seem like a harmless past time, but all you're doing is guaranteeing yourself a first class ticket to singledom.  You want to know something about them, here's a novel idea, ask them! 

Super Creative and Affordable Date Ideas

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little tired of having to shell out half of my pay cheque on a night out on the down. Remember back in the day when going to a movie was actually affordable? Nowadays, dinner and a movie can set you back more than a $100. If you're fortunate enough to be on a generous executive assistant salary, this may not seem expensive to you. But if you're struggling along, going on a movie date twice a week might have you dipping into your grocery budget! Look, romance doesn't have a price tag, and if your date can appreciate an inexpensive and meaningful experience over an overpriced bottle of Chardonnay in a hoity toity restaurant, than you might want to swap them out for someone who does! If you're looking to romance your sweetheart without breaking the bank, here are some fab ideas for you!

1) Buy a bouquet or two of locally grown flowers (because we want to be as sustainable as possible!), stand on a busy street corner and hand them out to people going past to bring a smile to their face!

2) Make up your own survey, grab a couple of clipboards, and hit the town. Ask random people, in random places, than publish your findings in a free blog.

3) Have a potluck dinner, instead of going out! Pick a theme, like Arabian Nights or an 'Evening in Paris' and you can make dessert together!

4) Dump out a box of Lego and have at it! This may sound like something you did back in pre-school (because it was) but it's a great way to learn to work together, bring out each other's creativity and learn something about your date you probably wouldn't learn if you were sitting silently at a movie.

5) Spend a Saturday afternoon browsing garage sales. Give each other a budget of $5 and have a competition. Whoever can buy the weirdest object for $5 or less wins a prize of some sort. The prize can be whatever you decide!

A date doesn't have to be expensive, and it should never be boring! You want to put your best foot forward, so trying something a little out of the ordinary and be open-minded. Life is meant to be an adventure, no matter what you're doing!

There's No Rulebook, So Stop Judging!

Almost every women's magazine has a list of rules that every relationship should follow to be successful. Rules to follow, rules to break, rules, rules, RULES! The last time I checked, human beings didn't come with manuals. My mom used to scream at the top of her lungs, "It's not like you kids came with a rulebook, I can't do everything right! Now clean your room!" I may have been giving her faces behind her back as I begrudgingly cleaned my room, but she was so right. 

So when it comes to an intimate relationship, are there rules? Sure, but only if you count the ones that you make for yourself. We've all done things in our relationships or had things done to us by our better halves that would make our friends cringe. He didn't call after a week. He answered his phone while having a romantic dinner in a beautiful restaurant. Or maybe she made embarrassed you in front of your friends by pitching a fit about something ridiculous. For one person, any of those things might be a deal breaker, and for other's, they may not see it as a big deal. Yet as friends, we often won't hesitate to pass judgement on our friends, and proceed them to chastise them for accepting a certain behaviour. So, what gives us the right?

I've leant my ear to many a friend going through relationship troubles. And I have definitely been guilty of judging a situation before hearing the other side of the story. But after spending the last ten years in two very serious relationships, I've learned to be a more supportive and tolerant friend. Unless you're a trained CIA agent, you cannot possibly know the inner workings of someone else's relationship. And as I recognized the numerous imperfections in my own relationships, I realized that I myself tolerated a number of the same things, that I had judged my girlfriends for putting up with. I had become a hypocrite of the worst kind! 

Take my word for it, it's better not to judge, but better to simply lend an ear. Relationships are complicated, and if you're in one, you should know that!  Give a girlfriend (or guy friend) a break, and stop bringing out the imaginary rule book! 

Can You Affair Proof Your Relationship?

There are any number of reasons why a relationship falls apart, but one of the most painful, and most common, is infidelity. An estimated 30 - 60% of married folks in the United States will engage in some form of infidelity, whether its emotional or physical, over the course of their relationship. Throw that factor in  with the divorce odds stacked against you, in combination with staggering infidelity statistics, it begs the question, how on earth can a relationship survive? Is it possible to affair-proof your relationship? Some of the top experts are saying though we can't control the actions of our partners, we can certainly be more plugged into our relationships and help inoculate ourselves against the pain of being cheated on if we are putting in as much effort into the relationship as humanly possible. So how can you avoid the pain of infidelity?

1) Remember the "Golden Rule"! An individual who has nothing to hide, is not in the business of hiding something! If you start noticing a sudden shift in your partner's pattern of behaviour, it's important to get to understand the motivation behind the change. This is where you have to become a bit of an FBI agent, in that you have to learn the art of what I like to call, non-invasive surveillance. An example of this might be hanging out in the bathroom while your partner gets ready. If they're hitting the gym all of a sudden, offer to work out with them. It's subtle, but it gives you a way to observe them and gauge

2) Face problems head on, don't face away! When trouble hits in a relationship, often, our first instinct is to shy away. Here's a little newsflash, that NEVER WORKS! Issues in a relationship don't just go away, they need to be worked out! If you are getting that feeling in your gut that something isn't quite right, it probably isn't. It's time to open up some dialogue, and time to air your grievances.

3) Don't accuse, discuss! Accusing your partner of cheating can have devastating effects on an otherwise, solid relationship. If you're wrong, you run the risk of your partner ever wanting to share anything with you again. Permanently damaging your relationship because of jealousy isn't worth it. So you better be sure! Ask questions, but be tactful. Ask your partner if they're happy? If they feel like something is missing? What do they need from you?

4) Work on your relationship every single day. A major mistake that most couples make is only working on things when they're really, really bad. What about when things are good? Or what about when things are mediocre? Of the course of a relationship, you are going to face a number of challenges. Some you'll be prepared for, and other's might blind side you. If you are each spending every day to make the other loved, happy, supported and wanted, it's a formula for success, with little o no room for thoughts of infidelity to creep in.

5) Don't be afraid to jump out of your comfort zones! Look, life is going to hit the doldrums every now and then, that's just part of existence. One of the main excuses partners will use to justify cheating on their partner is because they're bored. We can't always be exciting, but we can certainly do our best to keep life interesting by trying new things together. Take some art classes even if neither of you are particularly artsy! Make an effort to get outta dodge every now and then. Leave your problems, rekindle the romance, and make some new memories!

Why Should Men Do all the Wooing?

I am fortunate enough to be with a lovely man. He's tall, dark and handsome, intelligent, and most importantly, he adores me. We've been together coming up on four years, and we've experienced some of the most amazing things together, but like every other relationship, every now and then, life hits the doldrums. There seems to be this misconception out there in society that men are wholeheartedly responsible for women's happiness. Being the fiercely independent, strong feminist that I am, though I love to hold men to task wherever possible, after spending the last decade in two very serious relationships, it's become very obvious, that men are not inherently romantic, and sometimes, we need to take the reins.

This year, I decided that I would be taking over the anniversary plans this year. In all his good intentions, my partner is usually scrambling at the last minute to put something together, and though it's usually great, it's not exactly well-thought out, and watching him stress over his procrastination is pure torture! So, to save myself the frustration of watching him scramble and to let him off the hook, I've decided to steal him away for the weekend at a beautiful B&B in a beautiful little city. But you don't have whisk your better half away for an expensive weekend to impress, just use a little imagination, watch the romance ignite!

Turn Dinner into All Night Dining! Re-create a fabulous meal that you've shared somewhere. My boyfriend and I both adore Bali, and some of the most intimate dinners we've shared as a couple were overlooking Uluwatu Beach. So every so often, I bring out our best dishware, and spend the afternoon making a feast fit for a Balinese King! I throw our pictures up on the flat screen, light some tea lights and we laugh the night away!

Dance..just because! Whether you're recreating the Thriller video in the middle of your kitchen, or, breakin' out some sultry latin moves in the backyard, music is the language of love. My boyfriend and I took salsa together back in the day, and every now and then, we throw on a little Buena Vista Social Club and away we go.

Map Out Make-Out Hot Spots! Grab your honey's arm, and take him on an intimate tour of your neighbourhood! Steal a passionate kiss or two in every nook and cranny around town. Make it into a game, and get his engines revving. Just be prepared for the tour to end a little early, because I guarantee he'll be snagging you to make a dash back to the house.


Sneak Saucy Love Notes into his Lunch. This is one of my favourites and works every time! Remind him about a passionate night you spent together, and how you'd like to re-create in the very near future! There's no way he can have a bad day after reading that, plus, he'll walk through the door with a little more pep in his step!

A relationship is a two way street, and women need to stop trying to live their lives like they're in the midst of a Jane Austen novel. You can't sit back and expect men to do all the romancing! If you do, you'll be waiting until the end of time. So let's step it up and show the men how it's done!