She's a Man-Eater!

It's Friday night, and you are mere moments away from what feels like the most nerve-racking date you've had in years. You're feeling a little rusty, but you've also pulled out all the stops. You opted for the $40 haircut instead of the $9.95 buzz cut from Great Clips, and you've invested in some clothes that don't scream "my ex bought me this, and I only wear it under pain of death." And just to ensure you close the deal at the nights' end, you went and spent a good twenty minutes chatting with the 'super-fabulous' sales guy at the cologne counter at Macy's, and he's helped you pick out a fragrance that says: "I'm uber masculine, yet very much in touch with my metro sexual side, would you like to sleep with me." Finally, you've subjected yourself to as many episodes of Sex and the City as you could emotionally muster without turning into one of the characters, and retained just enough information to get a decent read on this mystery woman you've been set up with. The cab's arrived. You take a deep breath and step out into the night with high hopes of meeting Mrs. Right.

The date's going well. Things are progressing along nicely, but then, you've only been at the table for 5 minutes. So far, the verdict is: She's beautiful, she's funny, and most importantly (and even surprisingly), she actually seems like she's into you! Things are looking up. But it's all going to come crashing down, because your server has made his way to your table to grab your drink order and ramble through the chef's specials for the evening, and your date has, in one brief moment, gone from Miss America, to Miss Pain-in-the-ass. And in the midst of his exuberant spiel, she abruptly interrupts, only to announce that several of the wine selections are in fact on the wrong place on the menu, and she would like to conduct a formal dress down of the sommelier. Oh yeah, it's going to be that kind of date.

You politely listen as she emasculates the poor sommelier, and when he disappears off toward the kitchen with his tail between his legs, the poor waiter, who's been cowering in the corner, feeling utterly terrorized, has tip toed to the table to take down the order. A similar interaction ensues when he has the nerve to announce that the dish Ms. Hide would like to order has cilantro on it, shock and horror!

At this point, you'd like to be anywhere in the world other than in this chair in front of this culinary tyrant. You're probably sitting there wondering if this piece of work has a probation officer, or if she's just one of those spoiled, self-entitled girls that your mama always warned you about! Either way, the lesson here should be obvious, but in case it isn't, here it is: If someone is incapable of treating everyone with warmth, kindness and respect, and not just the object of their affection, they are not worth the time of day. So it's time to move on, and move up. Happy Hunting!

Nights Out Should Be Mandatory!

Every Friday, my better half texts me to make sure it's okay to go for a few drinks with is colleagues. He's not so much asking, as much as he's checking to make sure we don't have other plans, and I always say, "of course!" It's one of the reasons why we've been together so long. We both appreciate the importance of spending time with ourselves and with our friends. It's not necessary to spend every waking moment with each other! As long as there's an open line of communication open and plans that you make together aren't constantly being interrupted, spending time apart is good for the both of you!

At the beginning of last week, my partner decided to ring up his close group of guy friends and organize a boys night out for the upcoming weekend. A few years back, there would have been a resounding YES! But these days, my partner is the only one who doesn't have a wife, child and baby on the way, instead, he has a girlfriend who works a million hours a week. Dealing with friends with kids is a whole other matter, planning boys-night-out out requires permission from the wives, and that's not a guaranteed thing.

Now, I'm not a parent, and I don't pretend to know what it's like to be at home with a newborn and a toddler, but I can certainly empathize. But what I do know, is that each parent needs and deserves a break from the chaos every now and then. Infants may require around-the-clock care, but that doesn't mean that the two of you have to be chained to your little tyke until they're off to Kindergarten. Despite what the North American mentality is about child-rearing, you don't have to give up your life to raise your children. Provided you're not some sort of vagabond, or a participant in illicit activities, your kids are along for the ride, and not the other way around.

If you want to go out with your girls to let your hair down, do it! You just spent 9 months doing absolutely everything for that little being inside of you, take your life back and have some fun. And your better half may not have had to physically go through a pregnancy, they've endured your mood swings, bizarre bodily functions, odd cravings, random fits and absurd demands. Don't you think they deserve a break too?

Look, you don't need to be a psychology major to know that not taking time for yourselves now, means your relationship is going to be on life support in the near future. So relax, let your beau get out for some all-important guy time. And don't feel guilty about calling up your gals for a spa day!

Why Snooping is Detrimental!

My partner and I have been together for just over four years now, and one of the reasons why the relationship is so solid, is because we trust each other, completely. When my beau says he's going out for drinks with the boys, that exactly what's he's doing, and he's never given me reason to think otherwise. We're very inclusive when it comes to spend time with each other's friends, and we don't keep secrets, secrets are poisonous. With all of that said, we also fully respect each other's privacy, and that means that neither of us engage in snooping around each other's Facebook, Hotmail, Gmail, or any other type of mail accounts.

Now, I should have prefaced the earlier statement with a little story about my history of snooping. I've been in two long-term relationships in the past twelve years, and at the beginning of both of them, I definitely did my fair share of tossing drawers, rifling shoeboxes and running around like a was a full blown FBI Agent, trying to accumulate as much information I possibly could. Go ahead, judge away, but don't act like you've never done it yourself! Or at least considered it. What I haven't done, is hacked into anyone's personal accounts. It's wrong, it's absurd, and it's ILLEGAL! But that doesn't seem to stop couples from hacking into each other's accounts, sneak reading their partner's private messages, acting like complete fools!

What the heck gives you the right, whether you're a man or a woman, to read your partner's private thoughts, and conversations? I'm sure many have you felt like your privacy has been invaded at one point or another, I mean, we've all been teenagers at one point in our lives right? Parents just love invaded their kids privacy! Okay, now, remember how enraged it made you? Why would you want to inflict that feeling on someone you love?

Sherlock Holmesing (yup, I just made Sherlock a verb) around in your partners private email accounts may seem like a harmless past time, but all you're doing is guaranteeing yourself a first class ticket to singledom.  You want to know something about them, here's a novel idea, ask them! 

Super Creative and Affordable Date Ideas

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little tired of having to shell out half of my pay cheque on a night out on the down. Remember back in the day when going to a movie was actually affordable? Nowadays, dinner and a movie can set you back more than a $100. If you're fortunate enough to be on a generous executive assistant salary, this may not seem expensive to you. But if you're struggling along, going on a movie date twice a week might have you dipping into your grocery budget! Look, romance doesn't have a price tag, and if your date can appreciate an inexpensive and meaningful experience over an overpriced bottle of Chardonnay in a hoity toity restaurant, than you might want to swap them out for someone who does! If you're looking to romance your sweetheart without breaking the bank, here are some fab ideas for you!

1) Buy a bouquet or two of locally grown flowers (because we want to be as sustainable as possible!), stand on a busy street corner and hand them out to people going past to bring a smile to their face!

2) Make up your own survey, grab a couple of clipboards, and hit the town. Ask random people, in random places, than publish your findings in a free blog.

3) Have a potluck dinner, instead of going out! Pick a theme, like Arabian Nights or an 'Evening in Paris' and you can make dessert together!

4) Dump out a box of Lego and have at it! This may sound like something you did back in pre-school (because it was) but it's a great way to learn to work together, bring out each other's creativity and learn something about your date you probably wouldn't learn if you were sitting silently at a movie.

5) Spend a Saturday afternoon browsing garage sales. Give each other a budget of $5 and have a competition. Whoever can buy the weirdest object for $5 or less wins a prize of some sort. The prize can be whatever you decide!

A date doesn't have to be expensive, and it should never be boring! You want to put your best foot forward, so trying something a little out of the ordinary and be open-minded. Life is meant to be an adventure, no matter what you're doing!

There's No Rulebook, So Stop Judging!

Almost every women's magazine has a list of rules that every relationship should follow to be successful. Rules to follow, rules to break, rules, rules, RULES! The last time I checked, human beings didn't come with manuals. My mom used to scream at the top of her lungs, "It's not like you kids came with a rulebook, I can't do everything right! Now clean your room!" I may have been giving her faces behind her back as I begrudgingly cleaned my room, but she was so right. 

So when it comes to an intimate relationship, are there rules? Sure, but only if you count the ones that you make for yourself. We've all done things in our relationships or had things done to us by our better halves that would make our friends cringe. He didn't call after a week. He answered his phone while having a romantic dinner in a beautiful restaurant. Or maybe she made embarrassed you in front of your friends by pitching a fit about something ridiculous. For one person, any of those things might be a deal breaker, and for other's, they may not see it as a big deal. Yet as friends, we often won't hesitate to pass judgement on our friends, and proceed them to chastise them for accepting a certain behaviour. So, what gives us the right?

I've leant my ear to many a friend going through relationship troubles. And I have definitely been guilty of judging a situation before hearing the other side of the story. But after spending the last ten years in two very serious relationships, I've learned to be a more supportive and tolerant friend. Unless you're a trained CIA agent, you cannot possibly know the inner workings of someone else's relationship. And as I recognized the numerous imperfections in my own relationships, I realized that I myself tolerated a number of the same things, that I had judged my girlfriends for putting up with. I had become a hypocrite of the worst kind! 

Take my word for it, it's better not to judge, but better to simply lend an ear. Relationships are complicated, and if you're in one, you should know that!  Give a girlfriend (or guy friend) a break, and stop bringing out the imaginary rule book! 

Can You Affair Proof Your Relationship?

There are any number of reasons why a relationship falls apart, but one of the most painful, and most common, is infidelity. An estimated 30 - 60% of married folks in the United States will engage in some form of infidelity, whether its emotional or physical, over the course of their relationship. Throw that factor in  with the divorce odds stacked against you, in combination with staggering infidelity statistics, it begs the question, how on earth can a relationship survive? Is it possible to affair-proof your relationship? Some of the top experts are saying though we can't control the actions of our partners, we can certainly be more plugged into our relationships and help inoculate ourselves against the pain of being cheated on if we are putting in as much effort into the relationship as humanly possible. So how can you avoid the pain of infidelity?

1) Remember the "Golden Rule"! An individual who has nothing to hide, is not in the business of hiding something! If you start noticing a sudden shift in your partner's pattern of behaviour, it's important to get to understand the motivation behind the change. This is where you have to become a bit of an FBI agent, in that you have to learn the art of what I like to call, non-invasive surveillance. An example of this might be hanging out in the bathroom while your partner gets ready. If they're hitting the gym all of a sudden, offer to work out with them. It's subtle, but it gives you a way to observe them and gauge

2) Face problems head on, don't face away! When trouble hits in a relationship, often, our first instinct is to shy away. Here's a little newsflash, that NEVER WORKS! Issues in a relationship don't just go away, they need to be worked out! If you are getting that feeling in your gut that something isn't quite right, it probably isn't. It's time to open up some dialogue, and time to air your grievances.

3) Don't accuse, discuss! Accusing your partner of cheating can have devastating effects on an otherwise, solid relationship. If you're wrong, you run the risk of your partner ever wanting to share anything with you again. Permanently damaging your relationship because of jealousy isn't worth it. So you better be sure! Ask questions, but be tactful. Ask your partner if they're happy? If they feel like something is missing? What do they need from you?

4) Work on your relationship every single day. A major mistake that most couples make is only working on things when they're really, really bad. What about when things are good? Or what about when things are mediocre? Of the course of a relationship, you are going to face a number of challenges. Some you'll be prepared for, and other's might blind side you. If you are each spending every day to make the other loved, happy, supported and wanted, it's a formula for success, with little o no room for thoughts of infidelity to creep in.

5) Don't be afraid to jump out of your comfort zones! Look, life is going to hit the doldrums every now and then, that's just part of existence. One of the main excuses partners will use to justify cheating on their partner is because they're bored. We can't always be exciting, but we can certainly do our best to keep life interesting by trying new things together. Take some art classes even if neither of you are particularly artsy! Make an effort to get outta dodge every now and then. Leave your problems, rekindle the romance, and make some new memories!

Why Should Men Do all the Wooing?

I am fortunate enough to be with a lovely man. He's tall, dark and handsome, intelligent, and most importantly, he adores me. We've been together coming up on four years, and we've experienced some of the most amazing things together, but like every other relationship, every now and then, life hits the doldrums. There seems to be this misconception out there in society that men are wholeheartedly responsible for women's happiness. Being the fiercely independent, strong feminist that I am, though I love to hold men to task wherever possible, after spending the last decade in two very serious relationships, it's become very obvious, that men are not inherently romantic, and sometimes, we need to take the reins.

This year, I decided that I would be taking over the anniversary plans this year. In all his good intentions, my partner is usually scrambling at the last minute to put something together, and though it's usually great, it's not exactly well-thought out, and watching him stress over his procrastination is pure torture! So, to save myself the frustration of watching him scramble and to let him off the hook, I've decided to steal him away for the weekend at a beautiful B&B in a beautiful little city. But you don't have whisk your better half away for an expensive weekend to impress, just use a little imagination, watch the romance ignite!

Turn Dinner into All Night Dining! Re-create a fabulous meal that you've shared somewhere. My boyfriend and I both adore Bali, and some of the most intimate dinners we've shared as a couple were overlooking Uluwatu Beach. So every so often, I bring out our best dishware, and spend the afternoon making a feast fit for a Balinese King! I throw our pictures up on the flat screen, light some tea lights and we laugh the night away!

Dance..just because! Whether you're recreating the Thriller video in the middle of your kitchen, or, breakin' out some sultry latin moves in the backyard, music is the language of love. My boyfriend and I took salsa together back in the day, and every now and then, we throw on a little Buena Vista Social Club and away we go.

Map Out Make-Out Hot Spots! Grab your honey's arm, and take him on an intimate tour of your neighbourhood! Steal a passionate kiss or two in every nook and cranny around town. Make it into a game, and get his engines revving. Just be prepared for the tour to end a little early, because I guarantee he'll be snagging you to make a dash back to the house.


Sneak Saucy Love Notes into his Lunch. This is one of my favourites and works every time! Remind him about a passionate night you spent together, and how you'd like to re-create in the very near future! There's no way he can have a bad day after reading that, plus, he'll walk through the door with a little more pep in his step!

A relationship is a two way street, and women need to stop trying to live their lives like they're in the midst of a Jane Austen novel. You can't sit back and expect men to do all the romancing! If you do, you'll be waiting until the end of time. So let's step it up and show the men how it's done!

The Pitter Patter of His Kids Little Feet

Being an active member of the dating scene is not without its risks. As a woman it can be a tiresome, emotional journey that requires us to dodge the many psychological mine fields that men can toss our way. Whew, I'm getting tired just thinking about it! When I was on the market, I met my fair share of men with every issue under the sun from being emotionally unavailable to be so emotionally available, I had to walk around with a kleenex in my pocket in case he decided to gush over a cute puppy. But the most difficult relationship I ever entered was one with a handsome young probation officer who came with a set of baggage that I wasn't quite prepared for. The kind of baggage that talks back, makes irrational demands and takes up all your personal time. I'm talking rugrats.

The only experience I had with children, was once being one! I had absolutely no idea how to act around them, or what to expect. And of course, there was the ex-wife to be concerned about? Did I need to make a pre-emptive strike and get myself a restraining order for the impending onslaught of phone calls, text messages and emails from a possible jealous ex partner? I didn't get the restraining order, but I did the next best thing; I phoned up my best girlfriend who was dating a man with two children and this is what she told me:

1) Never think that you will ever be anything but second in the relationship. The kids were there first and until they're adults and out on their own, this will always be the case. If you are looking for a true partner, you want a man to put his children first, and if he starts cancelling plans with his children to be with you, this is not acceptable.

2) Be prepared not to be introduced to the children for some time, in fact, you may even be a secret. Try to put yourself in his shoes for a moment, and remember that children are highly impressionable and sensitive. They are probably already struggling with having to be shuttled back and forth between parents, and adding you to the equation complicates things further.

3) He might not want any more children. This could very well be a deal breaker for you if you're still dreaming about motherhood. You may not be sure if you want them or not, but you certainly don't want to invest your life in someone who doesn't want the same things as you, especially when it comes to babies! So ask early on in the relationship if he would ever consider having more.

4) Money isn't going to come easy! Remember, he will be financially responsible to those little ones until they're at least 18 years old. Unless he's independently wealthy, be prepared to live a modest lifestyle (which really isn't such a big deal when you think about it, money isn't happiness!).

5) And lastly, there will always be another woman. The ex will always be in his life (significantly less when the children leave home). If you are going to play a significant role in this man's life, you are going to have some semblance of a relationship with her whether you like it or not. You don't have to become the best of friends, you do have to be amicable and friendly, especially in front of the children.

4 Tips That Landed Me a Mate

Every women's magazine under the sun has it's own top ten dating tips section. But what frustrates me, is that the same magazine, over the course of a year, will contradict itself! The January issue will tell you the best way to land a man is to play hard to get, don't return his calls right away, and it's perfectly acceptable to be late, because it's a woman's prerogative. But by fall, the same magazine will tell you the complete opposite, are men on some sort of lunar calendar, and depending on the month, will respond to different things? Umm, no! So what's a girl to do? Well here's an idea, flip through the pages, admire the pretty pictures, and give little or no thought to all the lists. As women, we all know what it takes to land us the man of our dreams. Here's how I landed my beau!

I Am an On-Time Diva! All of this nonsense about making a man wait, is just that, nonsense. On our first date, I met my partner outside of his apartment building, and ironically, he was late, about 15 minutes late. This wouldn't have been a major deal except that it was a bitter March evening, and he lived on the ocean, so my hair didn't stand a chance. But he soon learned that I was not the kind of woman to keep waiting, and what he appreciated more, was that I was not the type of woman to keep a man waiting!

I Always Offered to Pay. So many women have a issue with picking up the cheque and I never understood why. I'm not a fan of double standards, and why should men be constantly picking up the tab? My date took me to a fantastic Izakaya restaurant (and we'll be celebrating our 4 year anniversary there this March!). The bill was startling, but I figured I should pay to play. Luckily, he would have none of it, and paid. I picked up drinks at the cocktail bar we went to later and it was all a wash. I felt good, he felt good, and everyone was happy.

I was Never Afraid to Be Available. I never understood why women play games like not answering the phone before a certain number of rings, or making the guy leave a message, and calling him back days later in order to appear busy. C'mon! Life is too short to be playing games, especially with someone's heart. If my boyfriend called me, I answered. Very simple. If I was unavailable to spend time with him, I told him. No mind games.

I Never Assumed Anything. This should really be a golden rule for everyone. Dating is a time to get to know the other person, and the time should be spent doing just that. Ask questions, explore who they are, understand where they're coming from. I am a naturally inquisitive person and I wanted to know absolutely everything about my potential new mate. My boyfriend took a little longer to ask the right questions, but he got there eventually!

Keep It Simple!

Last night on my local news channel, I watched an entire segment that was dedicated to showing men how to propose to their significant others and how Valentines Day was the perfect time to do so. It featured a young couple that was recently engaged at the Fairmont Hotel, and the gentlemen who proposed, had hired a "proposal consultant". I had heard of a wedding consultant, but never someone who would plan a marriage proposal. It got me thinking. Since when have marriage proposals become so complicated? I had mixed feelings about the idea of a man hiring someone to do the work for him. Are men that incapable of being creative that they need to spend thousands of dollars to ask the woman they love to be with him for the rest of his days?  

Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. A good friend of mine who has a masters in psychology,  sat me down and walked me through the inner workings of the male mind.  She said that men are terrified of rejection and the idea of being told "no" after a proposal would be crippling. Well this I can understand, but what I was having a difficult time coming to terms with, was the idea that a man would let someone else dictate to him what they thought would make a good marriage proposal. This hired stranger knows little or nothing about the prospective grooms' sweetheart. They haven't woken up beside her over the last few years, or held her when she cried, or watched her eyes light up when the man in her life makes her feel like she's the most exquisite woman on Earth. 

I think men get a little caught up on making sure that the story behind a marriage proposal is an epic fairytale. A marriage proposal doesn't have to be complicated or grand, it just needs to come from the heart. When you start making plans to ask the woman (or man) to permanently join their life with yours, the proposal should reflect all those precious moments that you spent together coming together into one poignant moment. As long as their your words, your emotions, and your desires, that's all that matters. Just shut the world out, take a deep breath, and she's going to say yes! 

Living Unmarried Like a Married Couple

Weddings are overrated. At least that seems to be the message that a new generation of young couples in their 20's and 30's are saying by not waiting to move in together, purchasing property together, and having a family. With the laws in some states and all of Canada providing almost as much legal recognition to common-law couples as married couples, a wedding is a financial burden and a deliberate afterthought. What hasn't changed, however, is that more and more couples are feeling the squeeze and find their relationships are crumbling beneath crippling debt. There are ways to avoid this from happening, it just requires some hard work and serious commitment to working toward common goals.

Each individual in the relationship needs to take responsibility for his or her debt. It you decide that you are going to enter into a relationship with someone, and you come to find that you are both in debt, there are some serious decisions that need to be made. Ideally, no one should be paying the other's debt. My mother always taught me never to take on someone else's mistakes, even if I marry them. Each of you need to sit down and work out your own debt repayment plan. If the two of you decide to combine your debts and pay them off as a couple, you need to put it in writing. Go to a notary public, and sign a document that states who is responsible for what financially in case anything unfortunate happens, be it an accident, a death or more likely, a break-up.

A household budget is crucial. If you're going to play house together, than that also entails being financially responsible together. Be cautious about combining bank accounts. I have been living with my partner for the last four years, and though we share the household expenses, we do not share a bank account. Other couples find it beneficial to have a chequing or savings account to pay household bills, or save for something significant like a house or car. This needs to be done with eyes wide open, and if you ever feel uncomfortable, get everything in writing! 

Combining your income can mean big dreams achieved! My partner and I make significantly different incomes. I am a full time writer and university student and my partner is a lawyer. Because of the income discrepancy, we divide our bills according to our financial ability to contribute. Because we are cautious with  our money, we able to achieve our financial goals much faster. Our vice is travel, and we do it as often as we can!

Relationships: The Two Way Street

Ever look over at your partner and wonder what the heck you're doing with them? Don't shake your head and roll your eyes at me, of course you have! We've all experienced those moments. They've said something that utterly humiliates you, or they've been outrageously unreasonable about an issue, so much so, that you just want to tear your hair out. Just because you've had the conversation in your head, doesn't mean you want to leave them, but there are definitely moments in a relationship that cause us to question what we're doing in them. Here's a little newsflash, it's normal! Think about how often we question characteristics, or decisions we've made with ourselves! It's only natural that we have queries about the individual that we've decided to intertwine our lives with. Before you make any rash decisions about ending or disrupting a relationship, you've got to take on the role of a project manager of sorts, you need to dissect and manage the different aspects of the relationship to determine what's worth fighting over and what's not.

Learn to establish independence and dependence on one another in the relationship. It's essential for both of you to feel like you have freedom within the relationship. It's important for each of you to have your own set of friends, your own hobbies, your own life. You both fell in love with each other for a whole host of reasons, and all of those aspects of your life all contribute to your admiration for each other. Don't lose who you are. 

Teach each other how to listen, by showing appreciation for one another when you do! Communication is the key reason why couples break up, so why not encourage each other to do more of it, and effectively. If you're going through something emotional, and your partner listens intently, and provides solace for you, why wouldn't you want to reward that. People may think that listening to one another is easy, it's not! It takes practice. 

Quality time is invaluable! Vegging out in front of the TV doesn't count. I'm talking serious time with one another. Find something you both enjoy doing. Take a class together, plan weekend hikes, get out of town and stay at a B&B. No relationship will survive without getting back to the basics. Remember why you fell in love and rekindle the fire as often as possible. 

The Distance Between Us

Four years ago, I fell head over heels in love for this handsome, dashing young lawyer. He was exciting, cultured and he had me blissfully wrapped around his little finger. The relationship took off like a rocket, and we became virtually inseparable. But soon, a little black cloud fell over my world and he told me had been planning a year long trip, and would be leaving in a few months. To say I was heartbroken would have been an understatement! I was angry, hurt, devastated, and absolutely terrified. Here I thought I'd found the love I'd been waiting for my whole life, and it wasn't mine to keep.

I swallowed my feelings, and decided I would just play it out until he left. We hadn't discussed what, if anything, we would do about the relationship. We both sort of just pretended that nothing had changed (I don't suggest this approach, it's disastrous!), and I don't know how it happened, but we mutually decided that were actually going to try to make it work! He was going to gallivant around the globe, and I was going to wait for him at home. Well, that lasted a total of four months, because after two months of waking up in an empty bed, I sold my apartment, my car, and put my belongings in storage and hopped a plane to Indonesia to meet him. And here we are, four years later, still in love!

I recognize that not everyone has the luxury of picking up and leaving on a whim. And let me assure you, I went absolutely out of my mind for those four months. But if you are willing to get a little creative (get your mind out of the gutters ladies!), it can be more than bearable. Here are a few pointers that worked for me:

 Communicate the boundaries! Every couple is going to approach this differently and it will be up to the two of you to decide the type of commitment to expect of each other. When my boyfriend first left, we agreed that we would stay 100% committed to each other. Neither of us were interested in "taking a break" or seeing if the grass was greener. We loved each other and wanted to stay together. And we're happy to report, it stayed that way! It doesn't always work out that way. Individuals get lonely. Mistakes are made. And there's infidelity. Only the two of you can determine what will work for you.

Skype is your new best friend! I'm sure that most of us in North America (and much of the world) are familiar with skype, but if you're not, get acquainted! Panama, Columbia, London, Bali, my beau was only a phone/video chat away. Some couples like to make "phone dates". This is a fabulous idea, and gives you something to look forward to. It keeps the relationship fresh and exciting! Because my boyfriend was traveling, I wanted him to enjoy his time away and never slotted him in for a set time. This was ideal because he often phoned when I wasn't expecting it (and he phoned way more often!).

Write it down. There's so much time the two of you spend apart. Like me, you'll have moments when you think of something funny, or something reminds you of your loved one and you'll want to turn to them to share it with them. That feeling will take some getting used to, so to combat that empty feeling, I wrote everything in a journal, like an ongoing conversation. You can choose to share it with your partner later or you can just use it as a tool to cope with the distance. Either way, it feels good.

How to Survive a Break Up

There a million break-up books out there with a million different pieces of advice on how to go through a break up. Some say address the past, some say ignore the past. Some say get back out there as soon as possible, and some say stay away from relationships and take time to work on yourself. How do you know what advice will work? The truth is, you don't know. Unless you're a break-up artist and make it a habit of dropping partners like a bad habit, knowing how to cope isn't something you can necessarily  read in a book or a magazine. Every relationship is different, and you'll feel differently about each person you leave (or whom leaves you).

I broke up with my fiance of six years a few years back, and while it was one of the most painful decisions I ever had to make, in hindsight, it was the most intelligent decisions I'd ever made, and it benefitted both of us in the end. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't imagine waking up the next day without him, but I'd made the decision and I had to be a big girl and accept the consequences. Being the type A personality that I was, I approached the break-up process like I was a project manager. I compartmentalized ever aspect of the failed relationship and decided what I wanted to take with me, and what I knew I had to leave to the ghosts of relationships past. Some of these tips may not be for you, but these are some things that helped me not only survive my break up relatively unscathed, but also maintained the integrity of the relationship itself.

1) Stop being friends on Facebook! There is nothing worse than seeing someone you loved change their status from engaged to single and then into a relationship. Even though, you know it's over, you don't need a reminder that you are no longer the main fixture in their lives. No matter how strong you think you are, it's still painful to see photos of your ex-partner with a new love interest. So save yourself the heartache and hit delete.

2) Change your bedding! I know this sounds superficial, but I'm telling you, it was a small act that made a big difference in my break up. Scent is a potent reminder of a lover past, and it was time to move on. I marched myself down to Bed Bath & Beyond and bought myself luxurious new threads. I forced myself to try to physically disconnect from the memory of our intimacy, and embrace a new me.

3) Move Your Booty! Getting active was not only a fabulous distraction, but it gave me a renewed confidence when I did work up the courage to get back out on the dating scene. Personally, dancing was a new found passion of mine, and I also did a program called P90X that allowed me to work out my aggressions, and get ripped doing it!

4) A little self indulgence goes a long way! I have to admit, I am in favour of a little retail therapy to soothe a mending heart. Emphasis on little. I went out and bought myself some expensive cosmetics that I wouldn't have purchased during the relationship because I was concerned about finances and made an effort to get dolled up more often.

5) Make up for lost time! Spend time with friends, family, colleagues and anyone else who fell to the wayside during the relationship. When we're romantically involved, we often cocoon ourselves aways from friends and family and fall out of touch. Now is a good time to reconnect!

Relationship Rescue 101

Here we are in a new year. It's been a season of champagne, celebration, feasting, gift-giving, gift-receiving, and holiday chaos, and now the two of you are left standing alone, amidst the tattered party favours, facing another 365 days of life. Perhaps it hasn't been a kind year to the two of you. Perhaps there was financial strife, perhaps significant changes, like a job lost, or the loss of a family member. Or perhaps it was a year of success for the two of you, financial gain, new friends, fabulous vacations. Nonetheless, whether the two of you faced great gain or great loss,  a solid relationship will stand the test of time, but only with a great deal of work. There are many aspects of a relationship that can be overlooked, after all, no one is perfect. However, there are certain issues, that if left to fester, will stop a relationship, cold. And the two of you will be left standing, placing blame, and wondering what went wrong along the way.

Jealousy. We all have our own skeletons, our own insecurities, and when left unchecked, they have the potential to poison a current relationship. Jealousy is cancerous in any relationship, whether it's romantic, between siblings, parents and children or likewise. Jealousy between loving partners creates resentment, depression, even hatred. If you find yourself listening in on your partner's phone calls, sneaking a peek at incoming text messages on their phone, or dissecting the events of their evening whilst interrogating them as if you had a forensic psychology degree, you're reaching the point of no return. STOP. And ask yourself, "Why am I jealous, and am I being fair?"Is your partner giving you a good reason to be jealous? Are they an outward flirt? Do they make plans and spend copious amounts of time out and not with you? If so, have an honest conversation with them about your feelings. You don't have to use the "J" word, but you certainly have the right to convey your feelings. Don't let a relationship disintegrate because of a lack of communication. Not sure what it means to have good communication? Try this relationship communication test, and see how you fair. If your idea of communication means grunting hello and good-bye to each other, time to roll up your sleeves and get to work!

All fizzle, no sizzle. You've heard it a thousand times, relationships take work, and you can't be in love with each other all the time. The passion will come and go over the years, and that's perfectly normal, just don't let it go until the next presidential election! There are a myriad of reasons why your sex life could be in the pits; Stress at work or with the finances, scheduling conflicts with each other, built-up resentment from past sexual issues in the relationship, or health issues. Dr. Phil often says that relationships are about "negotiation and compromise", and that we need to "carve out time" for each other. When's the last time you had a raw and explicit conversation with your partner about meeting each other's sexual needs? Umm yeah, as Steve in Sex in the City once said to Miranda after a fairly uneventful session of lovemaking, "there was snow on the ground. Make time for each other, life is so incredibly short, why waste it?

Sweating the small stuff. Admittedly, the term 'don't sweat the small stuff" always felt like some philosophical drivel that was made up by someone who wouldn't know what a problem was, if it smacked them upside the head! Alas, there is some truth to this rationale. It is so easy to get caught up in seemingly never-ending bad habits, and annoyances. Mundane issues like housework, errands, mowing the lawn and tasks of the like are never worth starting a fight over. Let it go! LAUGH! If one of you can see through your fog of indignance over who last took the trash out, look at the other, think of something hysterical, and have a good laugh. So as not to fuel an already flickering blaze, quickly tell the other a reason why you fell in love with them, and I guarantee, that heat will be redirected into a far more productive activity! When life gets tense, laughter is always the most effective way to disarm eachother. Watch a funny YouTube video, reminisce about a funny trip you took, and always remember that the two of you are partners in crime set to take on the world, not each other!