The Pitter Patter of His Kids Little Feet

Being an active member of the dating scene is not without its risks. As a woman it can be a tiresome, emotional journey that requires us to dodge the many psychological mine fields that men can toss our way. Whew, I'm getting tired just thinking about it! When I was on the market, I met my fair share of men with every issue under the sun from being emotionally unavailable to be so emotionally available, I had to walk around with a kleenex in my pocket in case he decided to gush over a cute puppy. But the most difficult relationship I ever entered was one with a handsome young probation officer who came with a set of baggage that I wasn't quite prepared for. The kind of baggage that talks back, makes irrational demands and takes up all your personal time. I'm talking rugrats.

The only experience I had with children, was once being one! I had absolutely no idea how to act around them, or what to expect. And of course, there was the ex-wife to be concerned about? Did I need to make a pre-emptive strike and get myself a restraining order for the impending onslaught of phone calls, text messages and emails from a possible jealous ex partner? I didn't get the restraining order, but I did the next best thing; I phoned up my best girlfriend who was dating a man with two children and this is what she told me:

1) Never think that you will ever be anything but second in the relationship. The kids were there first and until they're adults and out on their own, this will always be the case. If you are looking for a true partner, you want a man to put his children first, and if he starts cancelling plans with his children to be with you, this is not acceptable.

2) Be prepared not to be introduced to the children for some time, in fact, you may even be a secret. Try to put yourself in his shoes for a moment, and remember that children are highly impressionable and sensitive. They are probably already struggling with having to be shuttled back and forth between parents, and adding you to the equation complicates things further.

3) He might not want any more children. This could very well be a deal breaker for you if you're still dreaming about motherhood. You may not be sure if you want them or not, but you certainly don't want to invest your life in someone who doesn't want the same things as you, especially when it comes to babies! So ask early on in the relationship if he would ever consider having more.

4) Money isn't going to come easy! Remember, he will be financially responsible to those little ones until they're at least 18 years old. Unless he's independently wealthy, be prepared to live a modest lifestyle (which really isn't such a big deal when you think about it, money isn't happiness!).

5) And lastly, there will always be another woman. The ex will always be in his life (significantly less when the children leave home). If you are going to play a significant role in this man's life, you are going to have some semblance of a relationship with her whether you like it or not. You don't have to become the best of friends, you do have to be amicable and friendly, especially in front of the children.